Thank You Lord

Thank you, Lord for...

• the ability to run.

• legs that don't have a thigh gap but can carry me through a marathon.

• the crease on my forehead that shows my age - and my determination.

• the beauty of the lake in the middle of a metro area.

• friends to share the experience with.

Can the Childless Fit in at Church? [ I'm Just Wondering ]

A moment of honesty.

This is a post I haven't written for years, not because it isn't part of our lives but precisely because it's a central truth in our lives.

We don't have children. And that wasn't our plan.

We stopped all birth control 12 years ago. We've seen doctors. We've gone through surgical treatment. We've read the stories of barrenness made whole in the Bible.

All of those things, but nothing has changed for us.

Yes, we could have spent money on more invasive fertility treatments but didn't feel that was right for us. The same is true for adoption.

It is our reality - and a very sad, brokenhearted reality that's becoming more so over time.

What is particularly difficult, and I don't understand why, is finding our place within American church culture.

• We've seen churches (not ours) that structure all Bible study options based on where you are in the parenting cycle (newlywed, young families, parents of elementary, empty-nesters). [ It's not that they are trying to exclude or hurt those who don't fit the parenting cycle, it's just that they (unintentionally) communicate that they haven't thought about those who don't fit it. ]
• We've been given unsolicited advice that "God can do anything" and "There are orphans around the world waiting for a family." [ 1) God can do anything but sometimes He chooses to do nothing and 2) The existence of orphans does not predicate what I as an individual should or should not do. ]
• We've sat through Mother's and Father's Day services, coping with feelings of envy and loss as moms and dads are asked to stand and be recognized. [ I'd rather stay home those days. ]
• We've puzzled over women's and men's ministry that focus primarily on the needs and interests of parents to the exclusion of women and men. [ And by the way...not all women love craft parties, listening to motivational speakers or can attend daytime Bible studies. ] 
• We struggle with how to answer the inevitable question "How many children to you have?" and the inevitable pitying looks when we respond that we don't have any. [ Or worse...tell us your stories of how God finally provided a child or what doctor we should visit/book we should read/supplements we should take. ]
• We feel insulted with well-meaning, but hurtful all the same, comments of "No kids - you must have so much free time!" [ Actually, we don't. God has given us fulfilling lives in nearly every area except within our church community. ]
• We realize that nearly everyone that we would be friends with is busy raising kids (as they should be) and that can make us feel so very alone.

I know that these laments in many ways are a reflection of my own internal turmoil, and the awkwardness I feel is often caused by others not knowing what to say. I do give grace, but grace doesn't mean hurt isn't felt all the same.

So I wonder...

Can't we - shouldn't we - do better in the church?

How can we value and affirm the single who has never married, but not by choice? How can we engage the childless family (and statistics show that in the US that's 1 in 5 married couples)? How do we help and support single moms and dads? How do we join together in supporting traditional families?

There aren't easy answers, I know.

It just can be a very isolated life in the margins of church culture.

Cuba: Saying Goodbye and Final Reflections

All too soon, we were saying goodbye. Up early, onto our tourist bus for a 5:15 am journey to the airport.

And miracle of miracles, our flight left close to on-time. We were just 30 minutes late leaving!

Goodbye (for now), Cuba!

Now here's the big question: So what? 

We had a great trip. We saw God work in amazing ways. We made new friends. We enjoyed experiencing a new culture. 

But so what?

As many of you know, we've been on a long (at times it feels very long) journey of healing after serving overseas full-time. It's been very difficult to process why God's worked the way He has in our lives and what His purpose and plans might be for us moving forward.

I'd like to say we have better closure on all of that but the truth is, we don't.

What we do have is perspective and a measure of peace. That's worth its weight in gold. We're better understanding God's goodness in our lives - as well as understanding that "goodness" is best measured with a long yardstick rather than in the moment.

And what I think we realized during this trip to Cuba is that perhaps God didn't remove the passion for missional work from our lives. We very much felt a rekindling of what we thought were long-dead feelings and of a thwarted call.

Maybe, just maybe, what that means is that God didn't say No to us several years ago. Maybe, just maybe, He said Not this way.

Recalibrating our preconceived ideas about how we can impact and influence others positively for the gospel is tough work. The last eight years have taught us that.

What we're learning is that impact and influence can come through living lives of generosity, having a passion for learning God’s word and being unashamed of sharing our faith in a compelling, but sensitive manner.

We're also learning that our very difficult experiences have given us very tender hearts for those who've also been wounded through religion. We understand how those wounds can make you question the foundations of your faith and the goodness of God. We understand what a seed of bitterness looks like and the effort it takes to remove it - and the compassion it requires to go through that process.

Bottom line: 

Cuba reminded us that we're called to share a very simple message that isn't about us. It’s about God and what He’s done for, in and through us - as well as what He's continuing to do.

Cuba: Random Images

I felt guilty about the number of photos I posted yesterday. So this is a bleed-over of photos I wanted to include but didn't.

 

Crumbling buildings...this is a common site everywhere in the city country.

 

Old cars. Everywhere.

EVERYWHERE.

Street signs are located at ground level.

Ok - you'll never guess what this is. Never.

It's the US Special Interest section! (Not the embassy, not the consulate - it's the "special interest section.")

Castro installed the flagpoles (yes, that's what all the pointy things are) after the Carter administration installed a video news feed on the exterior of the building. Flags were flown to completely obscure the building façade.

Now it almost looks like a modern art installation.

The Capitolio Nacional - Cuba's Capitol building. Yes, it does look like the US Capitol building. That was intentional. It was built in the 1920s and is currently being remodeled/restored and will "soon" host the Parliament for the first time since 1959.

We saw tons of people working out at this sports stadium every day - running track, doing pull ups and the like.

I have more photos of Havana, but I'll restrain myself from posting them. This is it...I promise.

Cuba: Day Six

Warning: This post has a ton of photos. More photos than text, actually. If you can handle that, scroll on.

 

Day Six was our free day. After a more leisurely start to the day, Kelly and I headed to Old Havana (La Habana Vieja) to explore the city. Havana was founded in the 1500s by the Spanish. We started in the Plaza de la Catedral, home to the Catedral de San Cristóbal, founded in 1748. 

 

No city is complete without worthless furballs lounging in doorways.

We enjoyed a full day of peeking down narrow streets.

Eyeing buildings that are slowly crumbling - this, by the way, is true for nearly every building we saw in Havana including the airport.

Cuba values its artists and you'll find artwork everywhere.

The old buildings were fantastic - this was a former bank turned into hotel.

 

Just look at its stained glass ceiling!

We noticed that several countries (primarily China) are investing money in Cuban restoration projects. This is Plaza Vieja.

We also took a long walk to the Centro Cultural Antiguos Almacenes de Deposito San José for some shopping.

It used to be an open-aired market and is now housed inside an abandoned ferry building. Due to the US embargo, the only things we were allowed to purchase (to bring home) were music, books and artwork.

Isn't this interesting? It's a notice from the census department indicating that this house has been accounted for.

I'm sure we could have spent days exploring Old Havana because there were hidden treasures everywhere, like this small park outside the Museum of Sciences.

We stopped for a late lunch at Bodeguita del Medio Bar/Restaurant. The scribbling you see on the walls are the signatures of patrons. Each year the restaurant will paint over all but the famous signatures to provide a "blank slate" for future guests.

They are best-known for serving Hemingway's favorite mojito. Those were so-so, to be honest. But the food was really great traditional Cuban cuisine.

We found the Johnson and Johnson pharmacy.

And eventually we landed at El Floridita - another Hemingway hangout.

The daiquiri was invented here - legend has that Hemingway may have even helped with its invention.

Havana is very beautiful, despite its shabby neglected state. Where money is available, it's lavished on improving the buildings.

We tried to tour Havana's Partágas Cigar factory, but were told that it had closed recently for restoration. (I asked how recently and was told "Two years ago.") But they did let us come inside and take photos of the lobby.

Strolling down the Paseo del Prado.

More of Havana's eclectic buildings.

Havana, like many early seaports, has a string of forts constructed to protect the bay and the city from pirates and other nefarious characters. In fact, in its early years Havana was captured and burned by French pirates.

The Palace of the Captain Generals, built in the late 1700s. It now serves as the City Museum.

The wonderful secondhand book market in the Plaza de Armas (this plaza is considered the heart of Old Havana, as it houses the oldest fort in the city and this was the start of the growth of the old city).

The old Bacardi building.

We were able to go to the top of the building - what a view! You can see that Havana isn't all that large of a city.

Its hard to make out in this photo, but in the middle of this plaza is a glass-enclosed yacht - the very yacht that Fidel Castro rode in from Mexico to launch the start of the revolution.

We took some time to visit Havana's chocolate factory.

Delicious!

And spotted the Russian embassy.

Before long, we were exhausted from walking and decided to take a pedi-cab ride.

Good times.

And then we decided to have even more fun by taking a mini-cab ride back to the hotel.

What it was like to ride along Havana's famous Malecón, an 8-kilometer roadway along the bay, in a mini-cab:

I paid the driver extra for the ride with the promise that he'd be careful with us - our mini-cab was little more than a moped!

We ended the evening with dinner at Paladar Vistamar. It's located in a renovated house on the waterfront.

Watching the sunset before dinner.

And apparently, the key lime pie is so famous it was written about by the New York Times. The only article I could find (here) talked about a lemon pie, not a key lime pie. But it was exceptionally delicious, so who really cares about the details?

Talk about a fantastic final day in Cuba!