Wrong Warning Label

I am tired of coughing.

I am tired of blowing my nose.

I am tired of Kelly coughing, blowing his nose and snoring because he can't breathe. (I'm quite certain that I am not snoring, of course, and I wouldn't believe you if I said I was.)

Last night, I pulled out the good stuff: leftover prescription cough syrup from last year's bout with the flu. Thick, potent and covered with warnings about how it will knock you out. Frankly, I'm surprised it didn't have a label that read:

Take one dose while lying in bed.

Medicine causes a deep sleep to hit you as soon as ingested.

Whatever.

Let me say that again: whatever, whatever, whatever.

I am tired. Strike that - I am exhausted. If I slept last night, I dreamed I was awake.

I'm convinced the good stuff has lost its sleep-inducing powers altogether.

I need to stick a warning label on myself today:

Take anything she says with a grain of salt.

Medicine causes one to turn into a huge grouch.