Mentoring

For what felt like forever, I was afraid of being a mentor.

I didn't know enough. My career didn't have enough awards marking the journey. The world didn't know my name.

At some point, I realized that a mentor is simpy someone who has been on the journey longer. Every experience leads to wisdom (be it "do this more" or "don't do that again" or "I wish I'd known") and wisdom can be shared.

And if wisdom can be shared, that means that anyone can be a mentor, and anyone can be mentored.  

I've been fortunate enough to have mentors who are older than me and mentors who are younger than me. I also have a group of women who meet regularly (we're the Marketeers!) to mentor one another.

Never be afraid to seek out a mentor or to serve as a mentor - whether you're asked to or not. I'm glad I got over my fear and I feel that both my career and my life are better for it.

Just Say It

The last couple of weeks have been difficult. I lost a friend/former coworker/protege, along with her husband, in a tragic accident.

And honestly, I didn't know what to say about how I felt, so I said nothing.

As I've gotten older, I've learned that silence is an acceptable response when words are inadequate.

As a person of faith, and knowing that my friend was a person of faith, I have comfort despite my grief. But gosh, the grief is still so very fresh. It probably will be for some time.

Yet one thing I've taken from this experience is that I don't want to take my coworkers for granted. And I thought about that as I was hugging my former coworkers - hugging them hard, because I was glad I still could hug them - at the funeral this weekend.

None of us knows the days we have left so we need to make sure that our time is intentional (I've talked about that before in posts here, here and here).

So yesterday during our team Thanksgiving potluck I made sure to tell my team that I love working with them. That I appreciate them. That I feel that I'm the luckiest girl in the world to do what I do every day and to do it alongside them.

If I could encourage you to do one thing, it would be to speak words of affirmation to others in the moment. Don't assume that they know, don't wait for another day.

Just say it.

Galloway Update: Running Fun

We've just finished week 12 of our 28 week training program. (Holy cow - we're nearly halfway through!!!!)

So far, no one has fired us and we still feel like were having fun.

Hill training indoors because it's gotten hoooooooot:

Magic Mile testing - and speedwork - at the track (ugh):

Selfies at the lake:

Kitties begging for treats at 5:30 a.m. after our morning training runs:

Homemade treats (oooh yum) from our resident sweet-treat maker Karen:

Saying goodbye (for now) when members move away mid-season:

Learning how to recognize your group members when they're wearing clothes. Non-running clothes, that is:

Modeling club gear - and trying to remember who we've handed it out to already:

Early wake up calls (and drives) to Saturday runs:

Water jugs, sign in sheets and bug spray at 4:45 a.m. on Saturday morning:

Birthday brunch with our PGLs and friends:

Beautiful sunrise views over White Rock Lake:

Just a Reminder to Create What You Need

I grabbed this photo off of Random Cathy's Insta feed because first, my hair looks cute this photo and second, I love this group of women.

I think I've written about this before (?? - too tired/can't be bothered to search The Archives), but I've had a great group of professional women that I've networked with for more than a decade.

In the early 2000s, a larger version of this group would get together to share stories and strategies for how we could advance our careers. We were young in our fields, working in what was then a male-dominated industry, and we were hungry to Make A Difference.

We needed each other to learn, to grow and to "sniff test" our reactions to situations we faced. It was a good and healthy group to engage with for the time. We met for a couple of years, then disbanded as healthy groups tend to do when a need has been fulfilled.

Last year, one of the former members of that group and I met for lunch and decided we needed version 2.0 of that group. This time, we would stay small and very focused. We'd have an agenda. We'd be designed for senior-level women (Hey! Our original group's purpose paid off in spades!) who were dealing with senior-level issues. Discussions would be strictly confidential.

Once again, it's a good and healthy group and I've found it to be so critical in my continued personal and professional growth. Where else can I meet with women that I've known for more than a decade, chat about life, enjoy a good meal, then have deep discussions and take notes ferociously over a topic that we're all dealing with?

The point of all of this is: Create what you need. If you need a group, don't wait around for someone to create one for you or to invite you to join their group. Make your own.

Recognizing a need and doing something about it is a part of your personal growth. You'll be better for having taken initiative in your own life to grow.

A Girl Needs Her Girlfriends

I knew I needed to spend more time with my girlfriends. That's why I made it a 101 list item.

But in truth, no one should have to make a personal goal to spend time with friends. That's ridiculous.

Busyness can easily suck away all that is good and meaningful in life for that which is temporary and never-ending. That's not to say that you shouldn't work hard when it's time to work and work extra when needed, but work (and this and that and then something else) can all too easily become the all of the be-all and end-all of life.

Many months ago I noticed that I wasn't having as much fun as I used to have. I got up, exercised, went to work, came home, spent about two hours with Kelly and the furbabies, then went to bed. The next day, I repeated the cycle.

Do you know what happens when you're trapped in the lather-rinse-repeat of life?

You lose perspective. You don't have interesting things to contribute to conversation. You're out of touch with things outside yourself.

It's not pretty.

So I decided to be intentional about reestablishing something that's always been a big part of my life - spending time with my girlfriends.

I reconstituted my by-invitation career women's lunch. Monthly lunches, discussing work challenges and successes reinvigorated my brain.

I went to lunch with friends from former jobs. Reconnecting, sharing old stories and new made me smile for days on end.

I traveled to spend a few nights with my college (and still) BFF. Everyone should do that - but spend time time with your BFF, not mine. The best friendships are long-time friendships.

Together with my new BFF, we ditched our husbands to spend time together when we got together as couples. Again, highly recommended. Friendships grow when watered.

I ran weekly with girlfriends from running club and over time, we became more than women who ran together. Week-after-week of miles and miles builds camaraderie, trust and authenticity.

I had monthly breakfasts with girlfriends I mentored. I found the time I spent with them to be clarifying for myself as I revisited issues that were new struggles for them and old struggles for me. I was reminded of who I am, based on what I've experienced and how I've grown.

I went to happy hour with girlfriends that I never see otherwise. On every scheduled "we'll just meet for an hour on a Tuesday," I found myself lost in conversation for hours. I do have things to share and conversation can be easy.

I had late dinners and text message exchanges and long phone calls with women who became girlfriends when I wasn't expecting it. Although we all reach an age when we're no longer looking for friends, that's not to say that the perfect friend isn't going to come across your path. Treasure those.

I joined a book club with women from my hometown. We meet monthly to drink wine and discuss books that I likely never would have made time to read otherwise. I grow from their perspective.

All in all, I've been reminded that spending time with other women is critical for my mental health. But I've also learned that I don't like simply spending time with women in general.

The tribe that I've surrounded myself with are smart, funny, clever and complex.

I struggle with the superficial. I grow tired of gossip and catty jealousy. I am sick-to-death of those who brag and pose but never do. I don't have time and patience for immaturity.

It was so freeing to accept that I didn't have to spend time with those types of women, I adjusted my list of phone contacts, cleaned my blog roll, edited my Twitter follows - I gave myself permission to be who I am and to spend time with those that support that and, in their own way, reflect the same characteristics.

That was a lesson I wasn't expecting.  And for that, I'm glad I made put the ridiculous item "Spend more time with my girlfriends" on my 101 list.

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Building Community

In my "great return to regular blogging" - however temporary it may be - I thought I'd do some catch up on 101 items that I've crossed off the list.

Thus, bubble tea yesterday and today, reengaging with my professional women's network.

Here's the thing: It's important who you spend time with. I realized this several years ago and, along with a friend, organized a group of women in our industry to get together for lunch every other month. We called ourselves "AEC Ladies Who Lunch."

It was a way to talk about struggles at the office, share strategies and simply to build relationships with other women in similar roles. We met for nearly two years and I made some life-long friends in the group.

Then, as happens over time, we disbanded. The recession hit, everyone worked harder and longer hours, families grew and occupied any free time - and so on.

Change is normal. Change happens.

But at some point you realize that you need those people in your life again because you're now in a different place (job, status, situation, challenges) and the people you built trust with years ago are the ones you want speaking into your life in the present.

So, together with a friend, we restarted our group. Nearly a decade later, we weren't ladies who lunch or even ladies who needed to build relationships.

We were women who needed counsel, who needed to share best practices - women who needed a safe space in a small group to talk about challenges.

Our new group has a fun new name, but we're all about business. We're also all about keeping the group small, focused and confidential.

We're the Marketeers - a group I look forward to meeting in person with every month and sharing in the off-times via our closed LinkedIn group.

I guess the point of all of this is that I think it's important to make time for people in your life. Maybe it's a work-focused group like the Marketeers. Maybe it's an accountability group through church. Or friends that know your story and who like you anyway (friends that will go on vacation with you and like you enough to go again the next year).

Input affects our output in ways that we can't easily measure - take the time to find those people and make the community you need happen.

A Good Old-Fashioned Pie Baking

My friend S had a goal to learn how to make a pie. And I had a goal to help her meet one of her goals.

Plus I needed to make some pies for the office to thank a few key coworkers for their help in some recent stressful projects.

As S so eloquently stated, I needed to make some apielogies for being a pain.

Anyway, we had a great time pie-making over the holiday weekend. I taught her the technique for making perfect pie crust. She was a master at it.

Even if she did get completely covered in flour.

But still, you can't argue with results!

We ate this one:

And Kelly took this one to his office - it lasted about .025848 seconds.

Whose Room is this Anyway?

Spotted during a recent weekend away: An interloper in the guest room.

I'm obviously going to have to talk to management if this happens again. No kitties are allowed to lounge on our bed if we aren't allowed to rub said kitty's belly.

Can't Help but Cheer

Kelly signed us up to be team members for a friend's American Cancer Society Relay for Life team.

And let me just say, you can't help but be a cheering fan when you see this group round the track for their first lap of the evening.

Small Town Moments in the Big City

I grew up in a small town.

Not an itty-bitty wide spot in the road, but a small town all the same.

Living in a big city is great in many ways - Dallas certainly isn't as massive as D.C. or London, but it's a metroplex and everything that I could want to do (concerts, art shows, food variety) is available.

But it's a metroplex. And after many years of living here, Kelly and I both find ourselves longing for smaller town life. Slower traffic. Fewer people. Knowing your neighbors.

Some day we'll have that again. We're not in that season right now.

However, there are moments when you feel like you're in a small town when you're in the midst of living in the big city.

Like running into a fellow church member at the hair salon.

Or running into another friend/church member at a small local 5k:

I totally needed a haircut...got one right after the race!

I love it!

A Special Visit to an Extra-Special Friend



While in Tyler, we also stopped by to see Kelly's former best friend, mentor and groomsman:

 

It's wonderful how people can continue to influence your life, long after they are gone.

You Don't Have to be Talented to Have Fun

J hosted her sometimes annual gingerbread decorating party last week.

It's a girls-only event, primarily women within our industry, gathering to chat and pretend that we can decorate cookies. J encourages inappropriate decorating, but leaves it up to each person to determine what inappropriate means.

I ended up with a ginger Lady Godiva and a pop-eyed ginger man.

I'm not good. In fact, I have no cookie decorating talent whatsoever.

But I had fun. And that's what counts on a Tuesday night.

Upon Reflection

It's now been a week since I last looked at Facebook and, other than a couple of times that I felt a desire to check up on friends and family, I honestly didn't miss it that much.

What this tells me is that I rely on Facebook more as a time waster - when I'm bored, tired, etc - than I do for connections.

Shame on me.

This week-long period of "resetting" was good for me. My intention is to refocus on what matters where Facebook is concerned. So...less random checking and browsing on Facebook and more limited check-ins and meaningful reading.

Here's to the value of pushing pause.



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Best.Belated.Birthday.Present.EVER.

Thanks, Mel!!!

Brad Paisley: Up Close and Personal. Sort Of.

Last year, we tried to see Brad Paisley in concert with our friends.

Instead, this happened:

This year, we tried to Brad Paisley in concert again. And it was wonderful.

Great friends:

 Great seats:

Like, really great seats - third row, next to the catwalk and steps from the stage.

Though I may have thrown an elbow (or more) to keep interlopers from blocking my view and also to get the attention of people who literally ran over my feet to rush the stage.

It was worth it. I did pray for forgiveness - though I also hope they learned their lesson.

I'd say we definitely had a redemption concert experience.

It Figures

So as you might be able to tell from the plethora of photos from the past three days, The Boy and I slipped away from home for the long weekend.

It just figures that we'd use our soon-to-expire flight credit from our hurricane-cancelled flight last fall to go to San Antonio...where record rainfall triggered the worst flooding the region had seen since 1998.

Despite roundabout driving to get from the airport to downtown (the highway was underwater), we made it safe and sound to a puddle-filled, but otherwise dry, downtown for three days of rest.

Rest, walking, eating, running, eating and walking some more.

There was also some peacock-admiring, drive-exploring, hot tub-sitting and naps taken.

It was very very good.

And especially good to enjoy it with our very best friends - and to have everyone not only return home as friends, but to also survive three days without a single fight or cross word.

Yes, a good weekend away indeed.

A Storybook Bed

I didn't take my personal pillow to Killeen for our overnight stay - everyone else in our group did.

Often I do take my pillow because it's easier to sleep on a familiar pillow. (Seriously. At least three other people that I know will agree with me.)

But I didn't this time because, honestly, I just couldn't be bothered. I told our group I would just use everyone else's hotel-provided pillows if I felt my hotel-provided pillow was insufficient.

And that explains why I found this after I showered:

I felt very Princess and the Pea-ish.

Which just goes to prove that I am, in fact, a princess - just as I always knew.

A Conversation You Don't Want to Have

Tomorrow: The service providers you don't want to have to call.

The Very Last Cowtown

This past weekend was the last Cowtown Marathon for the foreseeable future for the Hayley-Wheeler running gang. The five-year special medal series ended with the 2013 race, freeing up February for a new marathon focus.

Still, it seemed our 4:30 am wake-up call came very early yesterday morning. Yet look at the happy runners.

Very happy runners.

They were still in a fairly good mood when we saw them at mile 10. So were we - they were staying on pace for a great race.

A great race after weeks of overtime for one (J) and continued post-surgery recovery for another (The Boy).

The runners weren't nearly as happy as the spectators when we saw them at the finish. Crazy, really, because The Boy had paced his very best friend to a personal record - a PR that shattered his previous best by nearly 10 minutes.

However, it's understandable. It's hard to be cheerful when you've left everything on the course. The PR didn't even sink in until after some food, a shower and copious amounts of water.

Then the smiles were back.

Way to go guys! Way to go.

Battle of Task v People

What are you? A task-oriented person or a people-oriented person?

I'm the former, and let me tell you that it can be a real challenge to remember the importance of people when you're all wrapped up in the task.

Strangely enough, it's in the midst of these Task Vs People wrestling matches when the strangest things happen.

• I get an email that simply says thank you
• I am energized from a 5-minute pause in the hall to chat with a colleague
• I miss my train - again - to meet someone new. And it doesn't matter.

It's nice to know that God doesn't play fair in this battle - it's always clear when I've veered to far into task territory and need a friendly nudge (or two or three or more) to focus on the people around me.

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