Wrapping the 31 Days

What did I learn while writing about one thing for 31 days? It was harder than it sounded, but interesting all the same. It's fun to look at a single topic from a variety of angles. It's also helpful to verbalize the mental processing that I've been working through for the past year or so.

And that whole staying focused on one thing for 31 days? That in itself was a big change for me.

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Change is a Gift

During the past near decade, our families have said "It can't get any worse" far too many times. We were tired of change.

• Those close to us died - some of natural causes, some of not-so-natural causes.
• Spiritual leaders betrayed our trust.
• Church members forgot about us.
• Friends disappointed us.
• Family members hurt us.
• Workplaces changed.
• The economy tanked.
• Our career goals shifted.
• Injuries - small and large - derailed plans.
• We tried - unsuccessfully - to start a family.

And the more tired we got of change, the more change seemed to come our way.

I even tried to burn the ill effects of change out of our lives at the New Year's with an Airing (and Burning) of our Grievances.

It didn't work.

But here's the thing: Just like Pandora's box, I've learned that change holds surprising gifts for us.

• Hope
• Resilience
• Inner strength
• Faith
• Wisdom
• Love

And if you dig a little deeper, you might just find joy.

For me, all of that is hiding behind the worry lines and forehead frown wrinkle, behind the slightly sad eyes.

It's there and it's powerful.

Change is a gift.

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Change is Like a Carousel

The strangest thing that I've noticed about change is that the more I change, the more I stay the same.

Like a carousel, we go up and down, round and round. The thing about going round and round, is that we're always returning to the beginning.

The beginning of

• Who I am
• What I believe
• Those I love
• What I enjoy

I may find myself up or down. But I'm always who I am.

That never changes.

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Change Gives You a Story

I think I'm a more interesting person because of what I've experienced.

I am gutsy enough to try, strong enough to recover and determined enough to try again.

My story is mine alone - just as your story is yours alone. Don't be ashamed of what you've experienced. All of these tiny events, strung together over time, are what make you who you are.

Own your story.

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Change Makes You Who You Are

Thinking about to that third head that grows when grief enters your life, it seems like I'm stating the obvious by saying change makes us who we are.

Yet I don't think that most of us look at change as being the instigator of personal growth and development.

Far too often we see personal growth as a result of our choices - a deliberate path that we've set upon. On the other hand, we more often see change as something that arrives unannounced - delivering chaos in its wake.

But it's that very chaos that leads to development. How we react defines who we are.

I'm not who I was 10 years ago.

I'm not who I will be 10 years from now.

I am who I am right now because of what I've experienced, what I've learned and how I've chosen to respond to it all.

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Change Requires a Choice

We often talk about the fight or flight syndrome.

When a scary situation comes along, we can fight it or we can flee from it. (I suggest that there's often a third choice - adapt.)

But whatever you choose to do, you do have to choose. Even not making a choice is technically making a choice.

So what's it going to be?

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Change Brings Perspective

And this:

Source

Perspective is learning to think differently.

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Change Can Bring Peace

Here's what I've observed:

Change comes.
You fight it.
You rail against it.
You fight against it some more.
You accept it.
You begin to lean into it.
You find peace.

Peace? Yes...it's the serenity prayer in action:

Source

Knowing the difference brings extreme peace - you don't have to be in control. And strangely, you're ok with that.

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Change Builds Discipline

Another interesting side effect of change?

It makes you a disciplined person.

I think when you find yourself going through chaotic situations, you're forced to focus on the basics. Enough time doing that and you'll find yourself focusing on what you need to focus on a majority of the time.

As an undisciplined person (well, less disciplined than I'd prefer to be), I found this to be a huge blessing. I can now tell myself no, not yet and - more critically, yes. Because as I've learned, knowing when and how to say yes is a powerful thing.

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Change Renews Our Energy

The craziest thing I've realized about change - and only recently, in fact - is that huge energy resources are awaiting once you get on the other side.

Seriously.

As things resume a new normal path and rhythm, it's almost as though life pushes the reset button.

And that reset brings

• Purpose
• Passion
• Desire
• Fresh ideas and
• Hope

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Change Gives You Freedom

As I mentioned yesterday - being able to say yes (and mean it) and no (and mean it) gives you incredible freedom.

I used to tell people that I wasn't confident in my career until I entered my 30's.

Now I tell people that I wasn't confident in myself until I entered my 40's.

Having confidence sets you free from the performance game. Now I seek to perform to meet my own high expectations and to honor the commitments I've made - not to please others.

For me, a born people-pleaser, this is huge.

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Change Brings Confidence

An unexpected benefit of confronting and living through change is the confidence it brings.

While I certainly wouldn't want to relive every painful moment that the past near-decade has brought, I honestly don't think I'd want to relive those days without those experiences either.

Difficult times have refined me - helped me to focus on what is important to me and who I am.

Knowing who you are is a powerful thing...it gives you the confidence to say yes (and mean yes) and to say to no (and mean no).

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Change Offers Opportunity

Change have you out of sort? Embrace it...

Source

There's no better time then the midst of chaos to seize the opportunity to grow.

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Change Causes Confrontation

Change makes you feel like you're in a war - you versus what's happening.

I've discovered that far more often I'm in a war against myself - me versus my reluctance to learn, grow, become better and adapt.

Confrontation can be a good thing if it moves us from a not good place to a that's better place.

Carpe diem, change. I'm looking you (and myself) square in the eye and confronting what needs to change in me.

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Change Magnifies Truth

I find it interesting that my greatest moments of clarity come in the midst of my greatest moments of chaos.

I think that's because amidst the chaos of this and that changing, what is true and constant in life becomes crystal clear.

It's almost as though change is a magnifying glass, bringing focus and clarity to what I truly believe and who I truly am.

From that perspective, we all need change in our lives. Without it, truth can become buried in the busyness and hurried-ness of our day-to-day routine.

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Change Reveals Flaws

Here's a major reason that I believe we I don't like change: It reveals our flaws.

We're not perfect! We're not as adaptable as we thought! The previous fit us like a well-worn suit...albeit a suit that was tattered and torn.

But honestly, knowing our flaws is a good thing.

You can't grow until you know.

(How's that for a platitude?)

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Change Touches Our Core



Social penetration theory has always fascinated me. Like an onion, I'm made up of layers and layers - and it takes a lot of work to get to that central layer:

Source

That's part of the effectiveness of change. Like an arrow, it goes straight to the heart of the matter, right to the core of who we are.

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Change is Fundamentally Internal

You may feel like you've just changed as a response to external things. If this is the case, then when the external changes go away, you'll return to who you used to be.

The truth is, regardless of what you are changing to respond to, once you've made a change you are forever changed because change is an internal process.

You no longer think the same, behave the same, react the same. And that's a pretty interesting thing to contemplate.

The person that I am today is the result of the changes I have undergone over the course of my lifetime.

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Change Is a Wake-Up Call

My previous posts have been a grind on the negative aspects of change. Stress. Exhaustion. And so on.

Yet change - for all of the bad that's associated with it - is actually a good thing for us.

Change serves as a wake up call in life.

• We're on a bad path - and we need redirection.
• Circumstances have altered in a way that's not a good fit for us - and we need to move on.
• Someone who was in our life is no longer in our life - and we need to adapt to a new reality.

When I recognize that change is happening around me, my question shouldn't be:

Why is this happening to me?

Rather, it should be:

Why is this happening to me?

 



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Change Requires Risk

People are always looking for the single magic bullet that will totally change everything.

There is no single magic bullet.

- Temple Grandin

Do you want change in your life?

Are you tired of the same?

Then get ready to take a risk. A big risk or a small risk - it's risk all the same.

So be ready to:

• Risk that it might not work.
• Risk that people might not approve.
• Risk that it might end up differently than you expected.
• Risk that you might have regrets.
• Risk that it might be better than you could ever imagine.

 

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