Ummmm....Thanks. I Think.

With regularity, I’ve been telling anyone who will listen that I think the US Postal Service has become complete rubbish. My grievances are many:

• Mail carriers talking on their cell phones instead of focusing on sorting mail into the appropriate slot
  
• Lost letters
  
• Slow delivery
  
• Service station workers take lunch from 12-1, when everyone goes to the post office over the lunch hour
  

I could go on.

The other day, I stopped in to send a package via certified mail. While there, I thought I’d pick up the specifications for home mailboxes.

The Hayley Home mailbox is in pretty sorry shape and at some point, we intend upgrade the box and move it from the edge of our property line to the center of our property near the sidewalk.

I, a faithful and law-abiding homeowner, had already called the President of our HOA to get permission to move the box. He had advised us that a) the HOA didn’t care where the mailbox was and b) I should get the mailbox specifications from the Postal Service.

So, I asked the postal worker: Can you please give me the specifications for residential mailboxes?

His response: We don’t really have those.

Me: Really? There are absolutely no rules for mailboxes in front of homes?

That, my friends, was both the wrong question to ask and definitely the wrong person to answer.

I  (and the 10 people in line behind me) lost the next 20 minutes of my life to a long-winded explanation of how mailboxes could be installed.

Well, you’ve got your road. And where the grass ends, that’s where the mailbox ends.

You see this curve here? I’m not good at drawing, but this is a curve. And where it ends, that’s where the grass ends and the concrete begins.

And at this curve, right at the curve, that’s where the box face has to be.

(Me: So the front of the box has to be at the edge of the grass. Got it.)

The box has to be 36 inches. No, it has to be 3 feet. Wait, 36 inches is 3 feet. Anyway, it has to be 36 inches, plus or minus 6 inches. That means 6 inches higher or 6 inches lower.

So, 30 inches or 42 inches. That’s 36 inches plus or minus 6 inches.

(Me: Does 36 inches refer to the center of the box, the bottom of the box or the top of the box?)

It’s like this (shoving hand forward) – 36 inches for where he puts the mail in. If it’s beyond 6 inches up, you have to reach too high (demonstrating). If it’s beyond 6 inches down, you can’t lean out of the truck (demonstrating).

(Me: Ok, 36 inches is the center of the box. Got it.)

Now, we used to like to have two car lengths between boxes. Two car lengths looks like this (sketch). But we’re ok with just one car length between each box. As long as the truck can drive in and out like this (squiggle).

(Me: Ok. Got it.)

And look at your street and how all of the boxes are. If they’re all on the left side of the sidewalk, you be on the left. If they’re all on the right side of the sidewalk, that’s what you do.

(Me: Ok. Got it.)

So basically, you need to watch the curve, the 36 inches plus or minus 6 inches and the car lengths.

(Me: Right. Got it.)

If you need any help or feel a little confused, you come back and ask me again and I’ll try to do better to explain it.

(Me: Ummm….ok. Thanks, I think.)